etude of a menagerie on the milky way

Okay, so before I say what’s on my mind, I just want to point out that today was Community Day in Pokémon Go and when it started, there was a crap ton of people where I was. Perhaps it was because I was hyped on ice cream and gummy bears, but it was one of the best things that happened all summer. Yeah, anyways. I was just stalking a School amino, and there’s always two different people that you’ll see on it at any given moment: the annoying-cutesy girls who use pictures of girls from idol-centered anime shows and k-pop groups in their posts, and indian people (mostly guys) that spam emojis in their posts. Both for no apparent reason. Anyways, this is a long-winded way to mention that I had this thought of going to a smaller school. Like, how would that go? Like, the previous one I went to and the one nearby are both pretty damn packed of humanity. Which is very scary. (where is that smaller school, anyway?) I just looked up the school I was thinking of, and my thoughts went from “oh, okay,” to “no thanks,” at the drop of a hat. Y’know, this high school situation is really weird. Like, there’s no way I’m going to what would be the most conventional one because: A.) It’s big, B.) the amount of people who go there is big, and C.) I don’t want the humiliation of people from elementary/middle school recognizing me, and being like, all, “OMG, I haven’t seen you in forever!!!!” So, that’s out of the question. (wait a minute, what if that recognition actually affected me positively?) Like, it’s barely even there, but... Really, the only hope I have, if I were to go to school is the only one I’ve actually been to. Which is pretty damn far away. As you already know, I’ve already complained about this particular school. (shed neighborhood, hint hint.) Oh, my god. How am I gonna solve this anomaly? Is there any way to please both myself and my mom, or is it gonna be one or the other? Is my mom still trying to figure this out? If she is, why isn’t she telling me anything? Am I even still going to school? If I am, then I literally only have a month until the first day. If I’m not, that’s one hell of a weird way to get laid off. It doesn’t feel right at all, to be perfectly honest. This is an opportune moment to have something akin to the “Mr. Krabs, I have an idea!” scene in Pretty Patties, the SpongeBob episode, happen. How long am I going to handle this? (I have Beyonce’s Sweet Dreams stuck in my head and I don’t know why. I don’t even listen to Beyonce these days.) Anyways. Keep on dreaming. 8-3-19 🌟

Good morning, and welcome back to the 5 AM predicament. On this episode: I can't sleep. I can't think. I also have Numb by Linkin Park stuck in my head. I don't even listen to Linkin Park. It's been a boring August so far. The only thing I've been doing is sleeping. Nothing has been happening as of late and I don't have anything better to do. Could this be the calm before the storm? What would be the storm in this case? Could it be school? Ever thought of yourself as a late bloomer, in which it all makes sense and you hate it? Keep on dreaming. 8-6-19 🌟

Y'know, I never knew the power of reading Sailor Moon while listening to Space Junk Road from Super Mario Galaxy. Like, it feels like it all makes sense when I do. Then I made my bed and thought: "wouldn't it be nice to be a princess?" I'd be pampered, looked after, and made all pretty-looking. That would be quite nice. The only downside is that dresses can be a sensory bother. It's like they say: beauty is pain. Oh, man. It's like I'm 6 again. Nice. Anyways, my brothers had the idea to resurrect the Wii U. My copy of Splatoon 1 better still work or I'm gonna cry. Oh, and I had the mall we went to last month in my mind. It still would be great to go back there during Christmas. Imagine... Keep on dreaming. 8-7-19 🌟 (I should clean the rest of my room this weekend with my mom...)

Y’know, I’ve come to realize that I really hate being a late bloomer. Like, for once I want to feel like I’m in a community, and that “togetherness” feel, and that particular feel never happens in late bloomers. Like, you have to get into the thing right before it gets super popular, and that’s super early. Oh, whatever god is up there, may I feel like I belong somewhere at least once, please? All I want, currently, is to belong somewhere. But, the only problem is that fandoms are often super ultra annoying. Like, how do you get that attached to something entirely fictional? People seriously get into pairings and I don’t understand it even minutely. It’s like what I was thirsting over back in June: An angelic group of friends that magically understand my pathetic limitations and my crippling social anxiety. Like, they’re alright if I don’t even say a singular word. Man, a group of friends is a magical thing to begin with. Seeing (hearing, or whatevs) friends interact is irresistable. Like, whenever he says, “I love you!” during a collab, it adds another decade to my life. The singular thing I want more than Hightide Era returning is someone coming up to me, saying: “Hi! I care about you!” and being dead serious about it. It’s kinda difficult when the closest thing you have is from watching TV shows, YouTube videos, and anime. Oh, angel from the heavens, please fly down and bless me with your kindness... Hold on, I just realized something. Near people at school, I’m really social-phobic. But, near people who are a fan of things I like, I’m anti-social. I also just realized that it’s almost 6 in the morning. Keep on dreaming. 8-10-19🌟

Well, today started... like a mess. Not in the mood to actually describe it, but long story short, I’m finally able to get Starbucks. Tomorrow. Speaking of tomorrow, it better be the peaceful rest day I deserve. Anyways, I think I triggered the thing in which I made my mom actually look for a school to drag me to, so... Rip. I’m gonna be the most outsider-y than I’ve ever been at this point, I bet. Y’know, I wonder what would be cooler and more blissful: 2009 Seattle, or 2005 California. All I know is that I wanna experience both. Must’ve been quite wonderful, fitting in somewhat. Reminds me of that school-made video I was shown in 8th grade in which it was a “be yourself” kind of so-called inspirational flick set to Born this Way by Lady Gaga. It screamed 2011, by the way. Wish I could find it and cringe. Man, maybe a healthy coping mechanism would help me with school. Too bad I don’t know what a coping mechanism is. Maybe rewatching that one stream would help me on how to feel and express emotions properly. Y’know, I would much rather go to a counselor/therapist/psychologist person weekly than actually going to school any day. I just wanna feel something, y’know? Keep on dreaming. 8-11-19🌟 (having a legit good school year is like winning the lottery...)

Y’know, September is gonna be here in about 10 days and there’s no word on school. Someone help, I don’t wanna be in a scary-big school filled to the brim with a scary-big amount of people. Can I just watch anime about school instead of actually going? Oh, to be a shy, high school weeb in 2009. These last few years have nothing on the years when I wasn’t in school. Especially not 2016. Screw 2016. Excluding summer of that year. That was great. Like, with school, I don’t wanna go through the pain of school work. I wanna be with my cute, awkward video game nerd of a boyfriend. I wanna be with the angelic group of friends I’m thirsting over. Having either of those would be a dream come true, honestly. Imagine playing Splatoon, or doing homework, studying, going to the movies, going to Disneyland, going to the mall, all with friends. That must be fun. Imagine if they didn’t even speak about the things that irk me. You know the ones. Imagine getting the support that I keep hearing about. (I just got Part of Your World stuck in my head.) To make a long story short, listen to “school” by Bill Wurtz. There’s never a day when that song’s not a mood. I haven’t had a good school experience since 7th grade, please help me. I’m too scared to go... It’s like that one meme except that whatever pops out of that pumpkin is school and I’m the little girl. Heavenly entities above, please give me mercy. I just want some friends and a non-chaotic September. Long story short, school is oh, so terrible. Please get it away from me. Keep on dreaming. 8-19-19🌟(well, on the bright side, the holiday season is slowly creeping up. I can’t wait until November is here, man. What if this school year turns out to be better than the last two?)

Y'know what's currently very appealing to me? The opening night of a ballet, concert, or musical. Especially if you or anyone you know is in it. Imagine being Clara or the sugar plum fairy in the Nutcracker and that tonight is the night that you finally perform in front of a big crowd. Being in that ballet performance or even in the audience must be so magical. Anyways, what's also very appealing to me is that his let's play of the RPG that I found was oh-so boring ended. I'm praying that there's only a singular bonus video left until this anomaly can finally rest. (Why am I rhyming all of a sudden?) I hope he pulls off a Splatoon so the next let's play is the second Splatoon. That would be great. Speaking of the Nutcracker, I cannot hear the word "nutcracker" and not think of the play that one of the teachers put on when I was in elementary. Mostly because it: A.) Was cringey and cheesy to no end. B.) Had a script that always rhymed. C.) Didn't have anything to do with a nutcracker, and D.) Had scenes that were completely unnecessary. Too bad it was dearly beloved by said teacher. Was probably full of boomer talk, anyway. Did I mention that September starts in about a week and I have no confirmed school to worry about? Lord Almighty in heaven, please help me mercifully. God, I can't wait till the holiday season. Keep on dreaming. 8-21-19🌟 (if this is going to be like the last Pokémon let's play in which there's a lot of post-game, I swear to God. It may be 7 in the morning, but I realized that I get more engaged in something if the thing is real. Like, I'm more prone to smiling and getting attached if it's an actual real-life person than a fictional character. God, I must be quite fun interacting with hardcore shippers and fangirls.)

Good morning, and welcome back to the 5 am Predicament. Today, instead of trying to get some wonderful sleep, I sit and think about onion rings. Mmmm, yum. There's a particular restaurant in which they have the greatest onion rings. Can't wait to get a basket full of them. Y'know, I've been hungrier than usual as of late. I just want cookies and cupcakes, like, immediately. Yeah, anyways. His let's play of the boring RPG is going through the bonus episodes. Fun. Who knows when it will finish finally. Just let it finish already. (Mmmm, cupcakes...) Keep on dreaming. 8-22-19🌟

Okay, two... three things: A.) I'm starting some sort of homeschool thing on September 3rd. From what my mom told me, it's pretty similar to the online school I went to. Yeah, we'll see how it goes. B.) Later in September, (the 13th?) the entire bed thing in my parents' room is moving out to my room. Which is going to be So! Cool! That's when I can finally tie those thin sheets to the poles and it's gonna be awesome. Mostly because there's an excuse for my mom to help me clean my room. And a bigger mattress!! Oh, and C.) I just got into Club Penguin again. What's cool about this reincarnation is that everyone has a premium membership. Now, I can finally do the things I was unable to. Like, maybe even tip the iceberg at last. This is going to be amazing. Yeah, anyways, today's collab episode was unorthodox in the best way. While the others were outside the room where they record, (one doing his laundry for him) one was attempting to sing America the Beautiful, but he'd forgotten about 99% of the words. In which a third of the episode was about the history of the Star Spangled Banner. Nice. Honestly, where else have you seen the word "Spangled"? Seriously. Actually starting homeschool at the actual beginning of the school year has gotta be something, alright. Keep on dreaming. 8-24-19🌟

So, when I was sitting outside of Target earlier today, an odd feeling that I could only describe as "melancholic" washed over me. I feel scared of what could be an Electric Boogaloo™ of the last two school years, how I felt lost and fearful. But, then I realized that tomorrow is the start of the final week of the summer. God. Freaking. Dammit. I just don't wanna go through incomprehensible nonsense on the daily. But, y'know what they say: 🎵Always look on the bright side of life🎵 Uuuuuuuuuggggghhhh. Speaking of the bright side of life, in today's collab episode, he spoke in a soft tone in reference to the late Bob Ross. I have a request regarding that tone of voice: please have a whole video speaking like that. Thank you. Anyways, that school thing. I just feel like that guy in the "Sarah, help me" video. Sarah, help me. I don't know what to do... Oh, nooooo... I just wanna go back to 2009, honestly. If I was a time traveler, I would totally use that as a prime-time coping mechanism. I want my awkward, yet cute nerd of a boyfriend!!! I wanna go back to 2009 So! Bad! I wanna be with the time!!! I wanna be comfortable with mainstream media for once!!!! I want friends, too! Take me back already!!! I wanna go back!!! I wanna belong for once!!! But, for now, I need to sleep. Keep on dreaming. 8-25-19🌟

Ugh. Just ugh. There’s two days left of August. The idea that I’m going to school uber soon is just depressing. Goddamn school. I just want to jump all the way to December already. December is just a spectacular month and I want it to be December so bad. I wanna hear that Christmas music everywhere, I wanna see the lights everywhere, I wanna see it snow like crazy. I wanna feel that magical, warm feeling. I wanna wake up on Christmas morning and see all of those presents. Ugh. I mean, at least I’m getting a bigger and better bed later next month. Anyways, I went to Wal-Mart today and I got this DIY candy set in which you make gummy versions of sushi, and it was pretty good. Couldn’t find the particular thing I was looking for, but I’ve literally never seen something like that in a Wal-Mart of all places. That bed is gonna be so cool, though. Wonder if it’s gonna fit. And we gotta move a bunch of crap around like Animal Crossing because where my current bed is odd, considering the height of the next one. Hopefully I can get some new Pokémon cards once my room is clean, or after some monotonous school-related task. There’s a really pretty Articuno, Zapdos, and Moltres card that’s all stained glass-esque. God, I’m seriously not looking forward to school. Keep on dreaming. 8-29-19🌟

Y’know, if I were to start walking right now, I wonder how long it’ll take for me to arrive at the convention center where that one convention is right now. Man, talk about insane. He’s actually in the same timezone as me. Wish that happened more often. Like, it’s 6 in the morning for the both of us. Now that’s trippy. All I need to do is pray that my mom would take me there and also pray that I don’t faint or go spiraling into an anxiety/panic attack upon seeing him. Wonder if he’s still asleep or not. Yeah, anyways, you know what movie I just started to really, really like? Into the Spider-Verse. Like, upon every video I see about it, I learn one new detail. It’s like the Breath of the Wild of movies. Ooh, hopefully the new collab will be starting tomorrow. I can’t wait for it nonetheless. Anyways, something cool that happened early on Wednesday morning is that there was crazy lightning and thunder. I guess the storm god(s) really have a preference for summer parties. Oh, god. Tomorrow’s the last day of August. Oh, noooooo. Keep on dreaming. 8-30-19🌟